Man Throws Away His Birthday Gift From His Wife, Claiming It’s a Mediocre Representation of Her Efforts, Leading to Their Potential Divorce

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 22, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Hey there, men and women of the internet. I think we've all heard the phrase, 'communication is key,' and whoever said it knows what they were talking about. Communication is key in any relationship. We always assume the other person can read our thoughts and feelings, and truthfully, they can't. Without expressing our feelings, how we want to be treated, and how we want to be loved, it won't just come miraculously. Albeit, with that being said, it's exactly what the original poster (OP) did. 

In this particular Reddit story, the OP is a man who claims he's continually asked his wife for more initiative with planning. Eventually, she gets overwhelmed and asks him for help. So far, it can work for them, until this fateful birthday. He essentially tells her explicitly what he wants for his birthday, gives her ample time to prepare, and when the day arrives, she has only a box of truffles for him. I'd be disappointed too, to say the least. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 1 day ago throwramediocr AITAH for throwing away my birthday gift from my wife because I felt it represented her mediocre efforts for me?
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 02
    I (35M) have been married to my wife (30F) for 5 years. We have no kids.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 03
    We have a shared understanding of our roles and responsibilities in our marriage. We both earn well and do things together. It doesn't really seem like she's bothered by how we do things and how we share our responsibilities and things are generally OK.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 04
    There was always pattern in our relationship that she was never the one to plan things that we did together. Since the very beginning, there's always a running theme that I plan out dates, vacations, deposits, taxes and stuff like that. And I've expressed that several times,
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 05
    however she is unable to take lead a lot of times and ends up asking for my "help". Once I asked her to book flights for us and she asked me what websites to look at for best rates. It's truly frustrating. I feel like I have to mentally prepare and invest so much than she does but she
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 06
    never sees why things can be tough for me. However I love her and tolerate this bit.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 07
    So last week was my birthday and I really wanted her to plan this time. I didn't want to be in charge of decisions for just one day. I wanted her to plan this time. And I told her this. I let her know that I trust her decision making abilities and want her to take the reins on
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 08
    this one. As my spouse, I do expect her to have a generally good idea of what stuff I'd typically like, and plan around that.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 09
    My birthday fell on Friday, and I had made it no secret to her that a getaway would be amazing few weeks prior to that. I thought she'd be receptive to it and may plan something romantic for the weekend for both of us. However, Friday rolls around and we are
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 10
    both at work. I arrive early, anticipating something and she wasn't here at home. She arrives at 6 PM, and all she has for me is a box of truffles that I like and buy here and there.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 11
    And then we casually made plans to go to a nearby restaurant that we regularly go to. I was extremely disappointed. I still hoped we might do something on the days off and she must be keeping it a secret. Nothing.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 12
    I was just feeling so unloved and rejected and disregarded, every time I looked at that damned box of truffles I would feel upset. I'd just think about how hurt and unappreciated my wife made me feel. I deluded myself into thinking that maybe I wasn't
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 13
    communicative enough with her or should've actively told her what I expected her to plan, but then I realised that I wasn't being unreasonable in expecting my partner to anticipate my needs and wanted to give her a chance to see whether she is truly capable of that. Whether she
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 14
    capable of that. Whether she actually cared about me.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 15
    I didn't think it was "too much" to expect my wife to know what it takes to make me happy. If it does, I feel that the problem is with her. Because I know how to make her feel loved and appreciated. However, that box of truffles felt like it was taunting me
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 16
    and I just threw it away in the trash.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 17
    My wife noticed what I'd done and said she feels extremely disrespected and what I did was wasteful. I didn't mean it like that. That box of truffles just represented the mediocrity in her efforts to show her love for me
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 18
    and I wanted more. And I told her that. Now we aren't on speaking terms. AITAH? I am genuinely considering divorcing over this
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 19
    EDIT I now recognise that the word "hint" was probably the wrong word choice. Taking it out. Sorry for initially being misleading in my post. What I meant to say was, that I made it no secret to her of what my expectations looked like.
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 20
    I remember I told her: "Hey, a weekend getaway would be nice. I would love you to plan something like that for the birthday weekend" She said that looks fun and she will look into it when she "has time"
    via u/throwramediocr
  • 21
    Zookeepergame... 22h ago NTA. Everyone seems to be focusing on "mental load” but that's not what's happening here. OP had made it very clear that, as a one-off birthday gift, he would really love her to step up and make arrangements
    via u/Zookeepergame
  • 22
    for a birthday treat/trip. And she ignored it. Completely.
    via u/Zookeepergame
  • 23
    You know, if we flipped genders on this, we'd all be on here saying "weaponised incompetence". Women do it too. Just saying.
    via u/Zookeepergame
  • 24
    Minimum-Discou... • 23h ago You sure you wanna spend your life being treated like this??
    via u/Minimum-Discou
  • 25
    Recent Body_5784 • 20h ago My boyfriend is like this, and it absolutely is a point of contention in our relationship. Like I don't even mind making the plans 80% of the time but once in a while, I would like to be
    via u/Recent Body_5784
  • 26
    taken on a little trip, a weekend getaway, and not have to have put all the time thought effort and work into it. The last time I told him that I would really like him to take the reins, and he completely agreed, and then
    via u/Recent Body_5784
  • 27
    the vacation days rolled around, and he had absolutely nothing planned or prepared, I thought we were gonna break up too. I ended up going camping without him because I really needed to get away, which I had expressed to him, and I
    via u/Recent Body_5784
  • 28
    just felt so letdown that he didn't make any effort to put something together. I don't have any advice for you, just came here to say that I know exactly how you feel and it really sucks. I don't think it's necessarily a sign of how much the
    via u/Recent Body_5784
  • 29
    person loves you or not, but I do think that people have to push themselves past their comfort zones occasionally to make an extra effort to show their
    via u/Recent Body_5784
  • 30
    occasionally to make an extra effort to show their partner that they care- not in the way that they like, but in the way that their partner likes.
    via u/Recent Body_5784
  • 31
    JanetInSpain • 20h ago She is using weaponized incompetence on you. It seems she just doesn't really care about your feelings and your love language. She can't be bothered to even make the most basic effort. I do not blame you for
    via u/JanetInSpain
  • 32
    thinking this is the last straw. To help you decide if "enough is enough" ask yourself this question: If you woke up 5 years from now and your life was exactly the same, would you smile or
    via u/JanetInSpain
  • 33
    would you want to kick yourself?
    via u/JanetInSpain

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